When the words or actions of others irritate or sadden me, I look for the ‘why’ as I believe it comes across our path of experience to teach or remind or even reveal something to us… not about anyone else per se – but rather about ourselves. This is always true but most definitely during Mercury Retrograde when we are submerged in the cosmic cocktail of rethink, reassess, respeak. Even more so when coupled with Venus Retrograde wherein we reevaluate who and what we value, how and by whom we are being valued, and at least for myself what is beauty. To me ego is ugly and is the boisterous offspring of fear. I often say ‘ego is ugly – be pretty’ – and that redefining of inner décor so to speak and its necessary beautification are a huge focus for me during Venus Retrograde. Add in some Saturn Retrograde and what our responsibilities are to ourselves, and in how we treat others… and the karma that follows, as well as boundaries for protection… or if we have up some walls that are shutting out blessings along with the  negative… and well, right about now lessons are popping up and most not too comfortably. I voice what I am seeing and experiencing, learning and shifting, in case it is of benefit to anyone else – for perspective, to know me better, or at least to know that if you too feel as if you are currently walking through a ‘life lesson minefield’ – you are not alone.

 We are indeed to learn from our experience,s but I believe it is our Divine charge to do so with discernment and not an almost paranoid ‘baby with the bathwater’ approach. An example that brings this to mind is my efforts to have an online dialogue with someone who I wanted to clear the air with. No argument was ever had, I had simply retreated in silence after something said made me uncomfortable. I did not feel any anger nor hostility, no resentment nor malice. I just wanted to talk – to perhaps understand the perspective from which the opinion had been expressed, and to then, even if I still found it discomforting and not resonating with me, to speak my truth respectfully, that I don’t agree. Isn’t that the way of adult interactions? There was no peace to be made, no issues to be hashed out. Just the desire to step out of my discomfort respectfully to both my truth and feelings, as well as to those of the other person and discuss our perhaps varying views. I was turned down because someone else online had previously created an (in my opinion) agenda ridden storm against this person. She no longer wanted to discuss anything, it seems, that was even close to disagreement. I get being gun shy, and the need to protect ourselves from what can torrent down a world of hurt in to our heads and hearts. But you see – I know this person to be far wiser and stronger than her response here. I still do not believe her to be someone who would should out anyone not agreeing with her because of an aggressive and nasty past dissenter. I know her to be someone who trusts her gut about the people she interacts with, and I would have hoped would interact with each as they are and as they present themselves. While a loudmouth hoodrat (yes that is an ugly term but sadly it was the most eloquent I could muster about the person who had caused her past grief) so while such a person takes their loud brash ways and uses them against someone, it does not mean that someone who has always been dignified, acts with grace and class, not to mention self discipline, would also become an internet grenade simply because they wanted to discuss differences. I told her I respect her decision and I do though it saddens me on many levels.

I think that so many of us have become so gun shy due to what we see and hear and have been made to feel – in life and certainly in online life. We wonder how we can be friends with or respect someone – or how they can like or respect us – if they are friends with someone that we really do not care for. We are so over protective of ourselves that we shut out so many folks. We refuse to learn from the portion of what they say that DOES resonate with us simply because other things they say, we personally have to experienced or read to not be true- at least not for us personally. We armor ourselves with prejudices and fears, labels and judgments.

I am a very private person and have unfortunately learned over and over in my life to be cautious, judicious, discerning… and shit can still happen. That does not mean not to try to protect oneself but that when do, we learn to filter, to go forward listening through our ears and not our fears.

When this conversation occurred or rather was shut down from occurring I sat with it for a bit to find the lesson in it, to see where/if I do the same thing.

It’s a balance, it’s a constant evaluating, and a constant being honest with OURSELVES as to why we shut people out, why we take offense, and gut check if this is really how we feel about the situation or person at hand or if we have just made policies that are so strongly protective, we shut out even the good stuff.

I have made a list for myself and hopefully it will help others as well – of things I see happen that trigger me into thinking ‘uh oh this is a danger sign’/this person is a problem, this can cause me harm.. and in reality we do NOT know what these things mean let alone if they have ANYTHING to do with us. So breathe….

1) When someone unsubs from your newsletter/mailing list. Maybe they had signed up to your news under more than one email address and are just clearing out excess subscriptions so they only get it in ONE of their inboxes (as was the case here, adding fuel to her cautiousness fire). Maybe they follow you on so many social media platforms they are getting a lot of duplicate info and there is SO much coming into their email they weeded that format out. These and other reasons can be the WHY and NONE mean they have no use for you or what you are saying. Chill.

2) Someone we are friends with is friends with someone who has done us harm or who we massively disagree with. Sure there can be debates over loyalties if your friend knows how much this person hurt you but… even if they DO know… are they required to not see goodness and resonance for themselves in someone just because you two didn’t jive?? We are all more mature than that. I hope.

3) Stating that someone’s words or actions (especially when you do not mention them by name but rather a type of action or behavior) is just NOT ok. This is nothing more than an opinion, does not need to make the person shut you out – heck maybe even do what I have done and look at yourself as I looked at myself in such scenarios and see if I/you have indeed gone off the rails a bit and are operating from a lower vibe version of yourself. Disagreement and even disapproval is not an act of war.

4) Their information that they share is not what you know to be accurate. Well maybe it works for them… maybe this is what they have read and are in full integrity passing along what they feel to be accurate data. The yelling ‘fake’… the discrediting of others based on differences is so inane in this day and age. Before anyone yells ‘appropriation’ let us all acknowledge how much alchemization of rituals and practices, formulas and beliefs from all cultures have trickled into whatever it is we each practice. The ‘aha I caught you’ mentality is paranoid, vicious, and beneath anyone of spiritual practice. Yes someone can celebrate Easter (as a timely example) and still be a witch – mixed traditions and beliefs in families and what we do out of respect for loved ones does not negate what someone authentically practices. And while we are at it, can we stop this ‘Muggle’ labeling. Please?! For all who hated being labeled a heathen by those in the Judeo-Christian world, there sure is a lot of diminishing labeling that happens of those who do not seem to practice in a mystical path.

So as Mercury Retrograde has me rethinking and reassessing words heard and spoken; while Venus Retrograde has me revaluating my standards, values, and the fairness that is a foundation for how we treat people we value (even just as fellow human beings), and as Saturn is Retrograde and I am realizing the responsibility we each have in such interactions – how our generalized dismissal of people based on glance level similarities.. or differences – can be SO unfair a judgment on the recipient…..I urge you all to do the same. That IS why we have these retro periods.

I was deeply moved – and actually it encourage me to write this – by an exquisite blog by Joey Morris (linked below). This excerpt says it so poignantly – “We have had our friendship, our deeds, rejected unfairly, we have been used and dismissed by others, and similarly we have all made the wrong call, focused only on the part of the lesson we blindly chose to see, ignoring the larger picture.”

As I said in my recent interview with Arwen (also linked below) when asked how I sign off on my videos – I will sum up my core hope and message of this blog by using my sign off line here as well.

Take care and be kind – to YOURSELF – and TO OTHERS.


 Joey's blog

My Interview with Arwen